Sign in or 
Share this
Jokes
Funny Pictures
YO MOMMAS JOKES
ONE DOLLAR
If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another, how many would you
have?" the teacher asked the little boy.
"One dollar," replied the boy.
"You don't know your arithmetic," said the teacher.
"No," replied the boy. "you don't know my father."
subscribed by Locoman
The Cocktail Party
Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to
their position in life,
and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each other. The first one
says, "My husband is
taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then
looks at the others
with a superior demeanor. The second one says, "Well, my husband just
bought me a new
Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number
three says,
"Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and
we don't have
many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my
husband is that
fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one
looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make: I
was just trying to
impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well,
it's not to the French
Riviera, it's to my folks' house in Terre Haute for two weeks." The
second one says,
"Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes; it's a Plymouth."
"Well, I've got a
confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one
leg."
John Howard
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to
forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was
overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to
reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first
doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality,
"Howard. You're a veterinarian."
Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
submitted by fatty
YO MOMMAS JOKES
ONE DOLLAR
If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another, how many would you
have?" the teacher asked the little boy.
"One dollar," replied the boy.
"You don't know your arithmetic," said the teacher.
"No," replied the boy. "you don't know my father."
subscribed by Locoman
The Cocktail Party
Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to
their position in life,
and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each other. The first one
says, "My husband is
taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then
looks at the others
with a superior demeanor. The second one says, "Well, my husband just
bought me a new
Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number
three says,
"Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and
we don't have
many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my
husband is that
fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one
looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make: I
was just trying to
impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well,
it's not to the French
Riviera, it's to my folks' house in Terre Haute for two weeks." The
second one says,
"Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes; it's a Plymouth."
"Well, I've got a
confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one
leg."
John Howard
Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to
forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was
overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to
reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first
doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality,
"Howard. You're a veterinarian."
Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
submitted by fatty
Yo Mamma.......Christmas corner
Yo Mamma is so stupid that i told her Christmas was around the corner..........So she looked for it!!!!
submitted by stenrulz
A Zoo story
A guy found a sheep and showed him to the policeman.
the policeman said"Take that sheep to the zoo now"
Next day policeman sees the man with the sheep again,
The policeman stops the guy and says "what on earth are u doing with that sheep again?
The guy says "What is there to do? yesterday i took him to the zoo and now i'm taking him to the movies!!!!
submitted by stenrulz
The Muffler
A Blonde got a dent in her car and took it to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After about 15 minutes of this, the blondes blonde freind came over and asked What she was doing.
"I'm tring to pop out its dent, But its not really working"
"Duh. u have to roll up the windows first!!"
submitted by stenrulz
Did u here about the dyslexic devil....?
Did u here about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to santa!!!!
submitted by stenrulz
Tales from the shire
Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They take her to a local motel; The first hobbit goes into the motel while the other walks outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears strange noises through the door, "I can't do it, i can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!!!"
In the morning, the second hobbit asks first "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn't do it."
The second one answered "manhood problems, Eh?"
submitted by stenrulz
Yo mama so fat, the whales sing
Yo mamma's so fat, when she went to the beach, the whales sang "We are family!"
submitted by Whose-your-momma
Haunted house
Yo mama is so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an application.
submitted by stenrulz
Let there be light!
Your mamma is so fat, when God said let there be light,she had to move!
submitted by porky
So Fat The Dictionary
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.
Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!
Yo mamma's so fat, she has her own zip code!
Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?
Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!
Yo mamma's so fat, she rents shade!
Yo mamma's so fat, she invented the lowrider!
Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.
Yo mamma's so fat, her shadow weighs ten pounds.
Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!
Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"
Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she got lost (amazingly) they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.
submitted by fatty
So Old
Yo mamma's so old, she farts dust.
Yo mamma's so old, she ows Jesus $3.
Yo mamma's so old, when God said, "Let there be light," she flipped the switch.
submitted by fatty
submitted by fatty
So Poor
Yo mamma's so poor, she can't afford to go on welfare.
Yo mamma's so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless shelter.
Yo mamma's so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless shelter.
Yo mamma's so poor, she tried to use food stamps on a gumball machine.
Yo mamma's so poor, a burgler broke into her house and left her some money.
submitted by fatty
Yo mamma's so poor, a burgler broke into her house and left her some money.
submitted by fatty
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
submitted by stenrulz
the funniest blonde joke
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
submitted by smartarse
allnet |
Latest page update: made by allnet
, Jan 3 2007, 4:37 AM EST
(about this update
About This Update
Edited by allnet
1 word deleted 3 images added 3 images deleted view changes - complete history) |
|
Keyword tags:
have a laugh
More Info: links to this page
|
| Started By | Thread Subject | Replies | Last Post | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Anonymous | by the girl wo needs help alex | 0 | Nov 17 2006, 2:45 AM EST by Anonymous | ||
|
|
Thread started: Nov 17 2006, 2:45 AM EST
Watch
Q. how did the fish get high A. weed
|
||||
| Anonymous | hello | 0 | Nov 8 2006, 11:21 PM EST by Anonymous | ||
|
|
Thread started: Nov 8 2006, 11:21 PM EST
Watch
if u like these jokes then why not add your own just email me on stenrulz.wetpaint.com and your jokes will be here at no time at all!!!!!!!
|
||||
| stenrulz | hello | 0 | Nov 8 2006, 11:20 PM EST by stenrulz | ||
|
Thread started: Nov 8 2006, 11:20 PM EST
Watch
if u like these jokes then why not add your own just email your jokes to stenrulz@yahoo.com and your nickname and your jokes will be on here in no time at all!!!!
|
||||
Showing 3 of 3 threads for this page
